Selling Your Soul For Cake
by UnmovingGreatLibrary
Summary: The very brief rise and fall of Nagisa Momoe, magical girl.


Nagisa scoots up behind her mother and peeks around her at the contents of the prep bowls. "What're you making?"

Her mother smiles back at her, then reaches back to ruffle Nagisa's hair. "Tonight, we're having ziti. With...?" She reaches next to the cutting board and picks up a small sprig, ending in broad leaves, and looks back to the girl expectantly.

Nagisa frowns thoughtfully. "Basil?"

"Mmhm. And...?" A wedge of cheese, with the tip covered in fresh grate marks.

Nagisa perks up. "Um! Um! Parm... Parma...!"

"Parmigiano-Reggiano." Her mother offers a sliver of it back. Nagisa wastes no time in snatching it up and sticking it in her mouth, then wiggles in delight. "In a cream sauce. We've had it before, you like it."

"Mmh!"

"Can you please set the table?"

"Okay!" Nagisa hurries over to the cupboards and pulls out a pair of plates, then starts carefully loading them up with silverware. As she works, she can hear the sauce gently simmering. She holds on to the last fork, and twiddles it anxiously in her fingers as she works up the nerve to say what's on her mind. "Hey, um, mom?"

"Hmm?"

"When do you go to the doctor again...?"

"I go tomorrow. Why?"

"They sucked out a lot of your blood last time," Nagisa says quietly. "Is it because you're sick?"

Her mother is still facing the stove, but even at her age, Nagisa's perceptive enough to notice the way she tenses up for just a moment. "I... might be. I might be very sick. They don't know yet."

"Oh..."

Before Nagisa knows it, her mother turns and gently pushes another sliver of cheese into her mouth. She smiles warmly down at the girl. "Even if I'm sick, I'm not going anywhere, okay? Things might be scary for a while, but I bet that if we both agree to be tough, we can get through it. Can you be tough for me?"

Beaming, Nagisa nods.

* * *

Sometimes, when a person is very sick, they have to eat through a tube.

They've explained it to her half a dozen times, but that still doesn't make it better. Mom says it's okay, and that this is all part of getting better, but Nagisa can tell that she's not enjoying it. She used to make the best food Nagisa has ever eaten—the best food in the world, probably. Now, she eats off-white goo, pumped up her nose, down her throat, and into her stomach.

"This will only last a little longer, okay? I just need you to be tough for me until then." Mom says it every time she comes to visit.

Not this visit, though. Nagisa's mother is asleep. She's been sleeping a lot more than usual, too, but the nurses say that that's also part of getting better. Nagisa is sitting in a chair by the bedside, struggling to focus on her homework, when she senses a pair of beady red eyes looking at her from across the room.

_"Hello, Nagisa."_

Nagisa shifts in her seat and half-closes the book in her lap. "Hi..."

Kyubey hops off of the window sill and lands on the bed. Nagisa frowns as he pads across it, stepping over her mother's sleeping form in the process. _"Have you considered my offer?"_

"Um. Yeah." Nagisa fidgets with the corner of a page of her book and watches Kyubey settle into position sitting atop her mother's thigh. When she can't handle the sight anymore, she lowers her book to the floor and leans forward to lift Kyubey into her lap.

_"Nagisa, will you make a contract and become a magical girl?"_

Nagisa lowers her eyes, and is silent for quite some time. "If I do, could you help my mom?"

_"If you wish for it, yes!"_ Kyubey tilts his head to look up into her eyes, and it takes all of Nagisa's willpower to not look away. _"Tell me, Nagisa. What is the wish that will make your soul gem shine?"_

"It's just... I don't want to make a lot of trouble for you..." Nagisa squirms in her seat, and Kyubey continues watching silently. "But I-I was thinking, maybe you can make it so my mom can eat again? I think, um. I think she's really sad right now... I just." Nagisa sniffles, and clenches her eyes closed to try stifling her tears. She's got to be tough, that's what mom said. "I just want her to be happy again!"

_"Is that your wish?"_

"Um. Yes. Can you please make it so my mom can... eat again?"

Kyubey hops down from the chair and faces her. _"Are you sure?"_

Nagisa glances over to her sleeping mother, and her fingers clench against the edge of her seat. "Y-yes."

Before she even knows what is happening, searing pain spears through her heart, a feeling like hot lava bursting out from her. Nagisa whimpers and doubles over on her chair, clutching her stomach. A lavender light grows outward from her chest, and slowly hardens into the shape of a gem.

_"The contract is made. Your wish has overcome entropy."_

* * *

The next morning, the doctors say that Nagisa's mother has regained enough gastric motility to have the feeding tube taken out.

Nagisa goes to mom's favorite patisserie. She's got just enough money for a small cheesecake, but when the baker hears who it's for, he lets her have it for free. One of the nurses helps her sneak it in.

Tonight, for the first time in weeks, Nagisa doesn't feel like her mother is faking it when she smiles.

* * *

"W-waaaah!" Nagisa sprints across the clearing, with the pom-poms on her hat bouncing and plush stuffed animal familiars literally nipping at her heels, just in time to dodge a string of concussive explosions. Confetti and glitter fly out from the blasts, but even at this distance she can feel waves of pressure threatening to bowl her over. The witch dances past her, giggling unsteadily, and another series of explosions erupts in its wake.

One blossoms only a few meters away, and Nagisa is sent flying into the air. The landing smashes all the wind from her lungs, and she bounces to a stop against a polka-dotted wall. The girl coughs and sputters, making her bruised ribs ache, but she doesn't have time to gather her wits before the enemies close in. A semicircle of plush, colorful stuffed puppies surrounds her—they'd be adorable if it weren't for the fact that they leave ghostly afterimages when they move, and the hollow eyes and pointy teeth don't help—and the witch, some sort of wrapping paper-patterned silhouette of a ballerina, looms over her.

Nagisa shrinks back against the wall, and the circle closes in. Her hand pats the ground, searching for her trumpet, but it's too late. One of the stuffed puppies lunges forward, and its teeth sink into her leg, sending searing pain through her body. Nagisa screams, and the ballerina laughs in delight as more and more familiars swarm over her, deceptively soft paws clambering over her body so that razor-sharp teeth can find unprotected areas to bite.

If it weren't for her soul gem dampening the pain, she wouldn't even be able to move. Nagisa flails, dislodging a few of the familiars, but she's still almost pinned to the ground. Finally, her fingers close around her trumpet, and without even thinking, she jerks it up, holds it to her lips, and blows into it with all her might. A deafening, shrill squeal fills the room, and a blast of bubbles erupts from the end with the force of cannonballs. They look harmless enough, but the familiars in front of her are torn to shreds, erupting into harmless fluff, and Nagisa kicks herself out from under them, stumbles on the floor until she's clear, and takes off dashing.

With her body bruised and battered, though, she doesn't get far. Another familiar leaps onto her from behind with deceptive force, and Nagisa goes sprawling. She can hear the witch patiently approaching behind her. Her vision is blurry, her sides ache, there's blood down her leg, and all the force has drained from her muscles. Even if she manages to stand up again, she's not getting away this time. This is it. She's either going to get ripped apart by familiars, or the witch will keep batting her around like a cat with its prey until it gets bored.

She only has one chance at this. Nagisa shrinks down, eyes squeezed shut, as she hears the witch approach. Once she senses its shadow fall across her, she takes her chance. She kicks against the floor and rolls onto her back, and with as much force as her bruised ribs will allow, blows into her trumpet. The blast of bubbles that shoots out this time is enough to slam her back against the floor, but the witch, on the receiving end, gets it even worse. A bowling ball-sized bubble crashes into its midsection, staggering it backward, and the next one blows a hole straight through it, revealing a hollow inside that drips purple ichor. Nagisa's lungs ache, and her head swims, feeling like she's going to pass out, but she keeps blowing, while the stream of bubbles shreds the witch in front of her. Only once it screams and starts sublimating into black mist does she let up, leaving her wheezing for air and holding her side as reality reasserts itself. Once more, the girl's in the dirty alley where she entered the labyrinth.

With a soft _tink_ of glass on stone, a grief seed lands on the ground. Just beyond it, Kyubey is already sitting, watching as expressionlessly as ever, with his tail swishing behind him.

Nagisa reaches out to wrap her fingers around the grief seed; just extending her arm is enough to send shivers of pain through her body. "Kyubey... I-I don't want to do this anymore..."

_"I don't understand. You already agreed to this when you made your contract."_

Nagisa sniffles and pushes herself up to sitting with a wince, then dismisses her magical girl outfit. It disappears in a shower of sparks. She pulls down one stocking to examine her leg, and finds it covered in angry purple bruises, with two semicircles of gashes where she was bitten. Her soul gem looks like she's got enough magical power to patch this up, but if she hadn't gotten this grief seed, she would have been in trouble.

Nagisa starts her soul gem glowing with healing energy. The strange sensation of flesh knitting itself back together sends a shiver through her body. Kyubey watches this passively and tilts his head. _"I did grant your wish, did I not?"_

"Um, yes, but..."

_"My end of the contract has been fulfilled. Please uphold yours."_

Nagisa's soul gem looks worryingly dark, so as soon as her pain is bearable, she raises the grief seed to it. As wispy darkness flows between the two, all she can do is mumble, "Right..."

* * *

"Nagisa-chan." The voice is sugary sweet. One of the nurses. "Would you like some water?"

"No..." Nagisa doesn't even bother to look up. Her face is hidden against sheets that smell of antiseptics and stale sweat.

"Well. Visiting hours end in fifteen minutes..."

"I know."

The nurse hesitates, then gives Nagisa a pat on the shoulder before leaving. Nagisa ignores the hollow gesture. Their condolences stopped carrying any meaning long, long ago.

But the nurse was right. She will have to leave soon. For the past few weeks, this has been her routine: She wakes up, goes to school, comes to the hospital for visiting hours, and then hunts witches in the evening. Be tough, that's what mom said, and Nagisa's been very tough. She's tough at home, when she has to make her own breakfast and get ready for school herself. She's tough during the visits with her family, when aunts and cousins she hasn't seen in years call her a poor thing in one breath and say that they couldn't possibly take her in the next. She's tough at school, when half the teachers yell at her for catching up on sleep during class and not turning in homework, and the other half whisper rumors that her mother has run off with a man.

Nagisa pushes herself away from the bed to sit upright. She can feel a tear lingering on her cheek, but doesn't bother to wipe it off. In front of her, her mother is hooked up to half a dozen machines, with tubes going all over her body.

But no feeding tube down her throat. Even now, on the occasions when she's awake and has the energy and appetite for it, she can eat solid food. For whatever good it's worth.

Kyubey's sitting on top of the bed. Nagisa sighs at the sight, but it doesn't deter him. _"Will you be attempting to hunt witches tonight?"_

The girl slumps down, her cheek resting against the bed, mere centimeters from her mother's still hand. "I... don't know if I can..."

_"Your soul gem is getting very dark."_

Reflexively, Nagisa summons it up on the surface of the bed in front of herself. Kyubey isn't lying. There's barely a trace of its formerly lavender color under the black patina. She stares into it sullenly and murmurs, "I don't care."

_"I see."_

For several minutes, the only noise in the room is the beep-whir-hum of the machines that surround her mother's bed.

"The doctor said mom's going to die..." Nagisa's voice is barely a whisper now. She feels like she should sob when she says things like that, but she cries less and less these days.

_"Yes. With her current condition, it is inevitable."_

One of the many machines in the room skips a beep, and Nagisa's breath catches in her throat until it continues. "C-couldn't you... save her? You have magic and stuff..."

_"It would be an inefficient use of energy."_

Nagisa's eyes go wide, and now, she can feel tears brimming in them. Without even thinking, she draws her hand back and hurls her soul gem at Kyubey. He hops aside, dodging it nimbly. The soul gem smacks against the wall with a loud thump, ricochets off, and clatters across the floor until it comes to rest in a corner. "W-why are you so mean?!"

Kyubey comes to rest atop the bed again._ "I __can__ only use my powers in pursuance of contracts."_ He tilts his head curiously. _"I don't understand. If you wanted your mother healed, why didn't you wish for that?"_

In her remaining time in the room, Nagisa can't stop crying for long enough to answer. Barely ten minutes later, the nurses, apologetic and pitying as ever, gently guide the sobbing girl back out into the lobby. She does not go witch hunting tonight.

* * *

At 2:36 PM yesterday, mom died.

Nagisa sits outside on the steps of the hospital. It's still dark out, but she doesn't care.

She's supposed to be going home, to wait in an empty house so that an aunt she's only met twice can come pick her up, but she doesn't care.

Last night, Kyubey told her that if she doesn't hunt a witch soon, her soul gem will go dark. She doesn't care, but she pulls it out and cups it in her hands.

Even in the low light outside the hospital, Nagisa can see that there isn't even a hint of its former color, and strange shadows flicker in the depths.

She doesn't care.

Nagisa's tired. She's tired of hunting witches. She's tired of taking care of herself, and listening to the nurses and teachers. She wants to keep going. She wants to be tough, like mom asked. But now, mom's gone.

_It's okay. It's over_, a little voice whispers. She can feel it inside of herself, like a little spike of nausea and cold driven right through her heart.

Nagisa hugs her knees up to her chest.

_We weren't tough enough, I guess. It hurts, doesn't it? Trying so much and not getting anything for it._

Nagisa squeezes her eyes closed, and holds her hands over her ears. When that voice continues, it still sounds even closer. _Mom's gone. and there's nothing left for you here_, it says, in a voice like cotton candy and broken glass. _Let's leave this mean world and make our own. Our own world, where nothing can hurt us. Where we won't miss mom._

Nagisa whimpers.

_Where it won't hurt. Just give up..._ It's inside her head. _Let's never be sad again._

Nagisa sniffles, but relaxes. The voice is right. There's nothing left for her here. She opens her eyes, and finds the world around her flickering with illusions.

For just an instant, Nagisa is aware of the sound of her soul gem shattering. And then, nothing.

Nagisa is dreaming. She can eat all of the cake she wants, but it crumbles in her mouth. Every bite is a reminder of some terrible sin, some great burden that she simultaneously can't escape but can't remember. She knows that it would all be better if she could just taste cheese one more time, but even though she searches for it frantically, she can't. She can have any food in the world, but cheese, the one thing that would make it better, is nowhere to be found.

And then, after days of searching, she finds some. One little scrap of cheese. She bites into it, and blood gushes out, and then...

"Momoe-san."

Nagisa's eyes open. There's a girl hovering over her... a girl, with pink hair and golden eyes, dressed in a flowing white outfit. The girl smiles sadly. "I'm sorry for that. Your witch is part of my history, so I couldn't entirely get rid of her. How do you feel?"

Nagisa sits up slowly, and struggles to get her bearings. She's laying on the steps of the hospital, and finds her soul gem sitting in her lap. Her soul gem, unbroken. "I feel..." Better, actually. She knows she was upset earlier, but it suddenly feels like a distant memory. "Um. Good."

"I'm glad!" The girl bows her head in momentary thanks, then gracefully offers her hand down toward Nagisa. "I have a lot of friends who are really looking forward to meeting you!" She smiles. "Would you like to come with me? It's okay, you don't need to be sad anymore."

Somehow, when this girl says it, it sounds totally different.

Hesitantly, Nagisa reaches up to take the girl's hand. It clasps warmly around her own. Nagisa Momoe is claimed by the Law of the Cycle.


End file.
